well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
