I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize