So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
