Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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