You can't motorboat a personality
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Bring me that man meat
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
