me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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