You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
