The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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