I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
