Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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