This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
