I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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