y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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