I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
