is your mom at the bar?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
