I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
