you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
