i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
