Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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