if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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