Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
