Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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