BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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