I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
