I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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