this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sext me about skeletons
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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