Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
