I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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