I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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