You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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