I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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