whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
