Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
