I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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