oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
