dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
