you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My vagina is very pro this idea
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