i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize