I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
