Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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