Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize