After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
