You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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