hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
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Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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