Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
