I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
