I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
