wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
