I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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