I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
