You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
