dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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