youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
