theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
