A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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