I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We need to get me chipped asap
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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