Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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