Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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