please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
