Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
