peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I believe in your delicious
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
