Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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