i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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