just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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