i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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